Rock
Scissors
Fuck
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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