Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
