I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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