Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp

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(478): View more from Georgia

I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"

(1-478): View more from Georgia

And thats what homeschooling is for

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape

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(620): View more from Kansas

The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.

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(509): View more from Washington

We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

Maybe we should bring mom next time.

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