This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
