my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We are all done wearing pants today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
