I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
