you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want to be your penis for a week.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
