you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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