Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
