Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
