we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
