He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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