We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
