is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
