The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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