i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
