absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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