I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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