Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
