going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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