It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
