Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
