Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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