Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
