Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize