More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
