so that wasnt chicken after all
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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