He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
