I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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