you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
