I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize