I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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