So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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