so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
