you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
