3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
