I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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