her vagine was all disorganized.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
