You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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