You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
