I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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