I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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