why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
