So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
