we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
