i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
