So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
