Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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