nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
