you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
