Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
