Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize