why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
