Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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