some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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