**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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