it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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