It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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