She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I AM VODKA MAN
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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