Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
