Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
