Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
